“How can you advise me about infidelity or marital responsibility, or whatever it is you’re going to say?” I cross my arms against the damp, heavy air.
“Because I’ve been there,” she snaps. “I know how intoxicating it is to have a man’s desire and secret devotion — to be adored, seduced, seen — married life pales in comparison!” She’s trembling, whether from the cold or from emotion, I can’t say. Somehow this gratifies me. “But it’s a dangerous game, Sylvia. It will tear you apart,” she concludes.
She’s right about that. I want to ask if she ever felt she was falling through her life, pulled down through dream and memory by a force larger than gravity. I want to know if she felt the splintering pain of it — a terrible, fruitful pain like birth, a pain you can’t stop because you have to know what’s on the other side.
(from Outside the Ordinary World, page 261)
Outside the Ordinary World is an ambitious first novel, but Dori Ostermiller pulls it off with beautiful prose and complicated characters. Infidelity is something that always seemed black and white to me: how can a marriage survive when all trust is gone, and how can you move past the images of your spouse with someone else? Ostermiller explores the gray areas of infidelity in a story spanning three decades and that many generations.
Sylvia is only 12 when her mother’s relationship with Mr. Robert threatens to tear her family apart. Mr. Robert is so different from her father. He’s friendly and full of adventure, while her father drinks and lashes out. She carries her mother’s secret and takes sides — something a child shouldn’t be asked to do.
Thirty years later, Sylvia insists she will never be like her mother, Elaine. But weakened by her husband’s commitment to rebuilding their dilapidated dream house in the country, the trials of mothering a rambunctious 4-year-old and a troubled teenager, and pains in her hands that make it difficult to paint, she succumbs to the attentions of Tai, the father of one of her art students. Sylvia thinks her situation is different from her mother’s because she won’t involve her children — but is it even possible to commit adultery without involving one’s children?
Ostermiller compels readers to think long and hard about infidelity — how a marriage breaks down, how one lets it happen, and whether forgiveness is possible. Sylvia and Elaine commit adultery under two different circumstances, and Ostermiller portrays them both as neither good nor bad but human and prone to mistakes. She juxtaposes their relationships with a marriage that endured for decades and a single woman who would give anything to have Sylvia’s marriage and children. Sylvia and Elaine are such dynamic characters, and Ostermiller makes it impossible to hate them even as readers question and maybe even despise their actions.
Outside the Ordinary World is not just about infidelity. It’s about mothers and daughters, sisters, families, and even the way religion (in this case, Seventh-Day Adventist) affects and shapes one’s relationships and actions. The book was difficult to put down despite my inability to feel the passion of Sylvia’s relationship with Tai. I just didn’t see what was so attractive about him, and the way their relationship commenced seemed a bit forced to me. But that didn’t prevent me from enjoying the book.
Ostermiller skillfully shifts the narrative from past to present and back again, adding layer upon layer to Sylvia’s story and slowly developing her character. As the events of the past unfold, readers better understand the present. Outside the Ordinary World is a rich, emotional novel about finding oneself, recognizing the bonds of family, and rebuilding broken relationships.
Thanks to TLC Book Tours for asking me to participate in the blog tour for Outside the Ordinary World. Click here to check out the rest of the tour dates.
Giveaway: Courtesy of the publisher, I have one copy of Outside the Ordinary World for my readers. Simply leave a comment telling me your thoughts on infidelity and why you want to read this book. Because the publisher is shipping the book, this giveaway is open to U.S. and Canada addresses only. You have until 11:59 pm EST on Sunday, December 5, 2010, to enter.
**Please note that this giveaway is now closed**
Disclosure: I received a copy of Outside the Ordinary World from MIRA Books for review purposes. I am an Amazon associate.
© 2010 Anna Horner of Diary of an Eccentric. All Rights Reserved. Please do not reproduce or republish content without permission.
I’m not as black and white on the issue of infidelity as you are…but there is always a sense of outrage for the person unaware of the infidelity. sounds like an interesting book. I’ll pop this in the sidebar for you..
no need to enter me.
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I’ve always been, cheat and it’s over, but the longer I’m married the more I think that if I ever had to deal with such a situation, I’m not really sure how I would handle it.
You can always borrow my copy if you’d like.
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Don`t cheat have the decency to tell your spouse &get out of the marriage.Would love to read the book please enter me.
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I agree that if you’re not happy, either get help or get out. I don’t really agree with divorce, but I think that’s a better option than adultery.
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I was next to a woman on a plane last weekend who looked engrossed in this novel. For one of the first times ever, I was curious about what my seat mate was reading, so I consider it kismet to find your review this week. Thanks!
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I always peek at what people are reading on the train, but I see more people texting than reading these days.
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I would definitely love to win this one. In my own life, infidelity is a black and white issue. My husband cheats, he’s gone (and the same goes for me). However, while it’s easy for me to “say” that, since I’m in a loving and secure marriage, would it be so easy to do it if it actually happened? No idea, and I have no intention of finding out.
I’m always fascinated with books about infidelity, although goodness knows why. I would love to be entered to win this one. Thanks Anna!
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I don’t want to find out either! 😉
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This sounds intriguing. I think infidelity is a pretty common thing, but has the potential to destroy many lives. Rarely do I see a couple actually rebound from it with much love left intact. Please sign me up for this giveaway!
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I don’t know how common it is in my sphere, but who knows who’s keeping secrets? 😉
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lovely review Anna
Still, for me, perhaps not, something in me just says no
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Thanks! It’s definitely not a book for everyone.
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This sounds like an intriguing study of human behavior, with all the warts on full display. I enjoy these kinds of complexities, as I do not readily judge infidelity; not without taking a look at what else is going on with the people. Nothing happens in a vacuum, and understanding the context in which the behavior occurs is imperative to analyzing and deciding what should happen next.
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Sounds like you’d really like this book. It certainly gives you a lot to think about.
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Anna….by all means, feel free to link my review of Blue Nude to the challenge, and thank you.
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Thanks! I hope to be doing a major update in the coming weeks, but it’s so hard to find time as we’re getting ready for next year’s challenge.
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I definitely think religious beliefs influence how you view infidelity. While thoughtful people might view other influences and actions within the marriage, trying to come to an understanding of why someone might have an affair, others will take a firm “no exceptions” stand. I love novels that are character studies and would love to win a copy of Outside the Ordinary World!
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The book definitely is a character study, and you’ll compare Sylvia and Elaine’s stories. I think if I had to deal with a cheating spouse, I’d want to know why and how it happened but I’m still not sure I could forgive it. I hope I never have to find out.
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This sounds interesting, Anna. I don’t think people really think about all the repercussions of infidelity. Maybe this book will get some to think about them? I don’t know.
Thanks for hosting this giveaway.
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I agree. I think a lot of people initially being affair because they’re caught up in the passion or whatever, but what happens afterward? You’d think that eventually they’d have to consider the feelings of their spouses or children. I don’t know, either.
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Sounds like a good read. I love that it’s not black in white. Cheating’s wrong, but I think that if my husband cheated on me I’d have to eventually forgive him.
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You’re a better person than I am! 🙂 I’m not saying that forgiveness would be impossible for me, never say never and all, but I don’t think I could.
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Beautiful review.
My opinion on fidelity is it’s a lost art. Most people have lost that sense of trust with our fast paced living, and call it old fashioned to be true.
I’d rather be old fashioned.
freda.mans[at]sympatico.ca
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I hear stories about how men aren’t meant to be monogamous and it drives me nuts. If I can be faithful to my husband and not have any problems with that despite the ups and downs of married life, why can’t a man be faithful to his wife and all? I think those studies are used to justify improper behavior. I’d rather be old fashioned, too.
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I would like to read this one very much. Its very difficult I personally think for anyone to say they would act like this in these circumstances. I think most people get swept away by their emotions and all rational thoughts go out of the window.
Don’t count me in for the giveaway though I’d love to be in!
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I hope you get your hands on a copy at some point. I agree that people get swept away by emotions, but there was a lot of rational thinking on Sylvia’s part in this book, since she didn’t want to be like her mother, but still she strayed. Interesting.
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Infidelity is a tough issue. I don’t think I’d put up with it, but if I ever had to face it, who knows how I would react? I certainly don’t judge anyone who tries to work things out. This sounds like a thought provoking book.
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I tell myself if they can forgive and rebuild, that’s great and they’re probably better people than I am.
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Ah, we concur! I had a hard time buying Sylvia and Tai’s relationship as well. But I was willing to accept it for what it meant for the rest of the story. Can’t wait to discuss this one with my book club in January!
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I hope you’ll share their reactions. I agree that you just have to accept it and keep reading.
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An insightful and well thought out review, Anna. You captured the essence of this one so well. I really liked this one too and am so glad I took a chance on it.
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Thanks!
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I might have to read this one in 2011…sounds like an interesting read!!
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I’d love to hear what you think of it. It definitely brings out one’s emotions.
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The layers are interesting, aren’t they, as they slowly build up the story? I thought it quite a satisfying read as well.
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I didn’t even realize how the story was unfolding when I was reading it. It’s really one of those books that gets you thinking for awhile after reading it.
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This book was compelling on several levels, and even though infidelity is a tough topic for me, I’m very glad I read it. I appreciated that Ostermiller approached it with appropriate complexity.
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It was interesting to read your perspective on the book since you’ve dealt with it personally.
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I had a hard time buying into Sylvia’s relationship with Tai–how it started and I didn’t feel the intensity. But I was willing to go with it because it was such an intregal part of the story. Really enjoyed this one.
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I didn’t feel any intensity or passion either. To be honest, he kind of creeped me out.
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Infidelity is definitely a difficult issue and this book sounds a sif it has done a good job at it.
I will look out for this one/
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I hope you read it at some point. I’d love to know what you think.
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What a great review! This book sounds like an incredible debut from a new author!
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Thanks, Amused!
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Anna, I’ve posted this giveaway in my blog’s sidebar.
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Much appreciated! 🙂
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Wow, this sounds absolutely fantastic Anna! Infidelity is a very interesting subject to me and one I’ve explored in several of the books I’ve written. I would love to read this one. Thank you for the giveaway!
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I can’t wait to one day read one of YOUR books! 😉
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First of all, this was a wonderful, detailed review. I’ve had my eye on this one for a while, too. Like you, I simply don’t understand how you can rebuild faith and trust once it’s been broken by infidelity (personal experience). I would welcome the chance to see into another woman’s heart who is more forgiving than I am 🙂
knittingandsundries(at)gmail(dot)com
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Thanks, Julie!
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My thoughs on infidelity are quite straightforward – I don’t like it, would never get involved in it, and if somebody did it to me, that person would be history. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If your present marriage is not working, it is best to go your separate ways and divorce before getting involved with somebody else.
I would love to read this book.
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My thoughts exactly, but after reading this book, it doesn’t seem so black and white anymore. I hope I never have to find out what I’d do!
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This giveaway is now closed. Thanks to all who entered. The winner will be chosen by Randomizer.org and announced shortly.
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